The time passes more quickly, just like everyone said it would. And, sure enough, I still feel the same way inside that I have felt since - well, when, exactly? I am not sure. When do we become who we are? I don't think it happens overnight. I think it happens little by little - as we change the story. The story of our mothers and fathers falls away a little, time passes, wounds heal - and little by little we become who we are.
I know, for me, changing the story was important. My poor dad, so smart and so wrong so much of the time. So alone - in so many ways. And of course, this year, like so many before and so many yet to come, my mother seems to have forgotten it is my birthday...
I just got in from my birthday party. We went to a little local restaurant - a true hole in the wall - with fabulous food! Meelos at the Loehmann's Plaza. I will take you there if you come for a visit. Mr. Meelos (that is not his name) is perfect - and if you close your eyes and only take in the smells and the sounds - you could easily be in Italia - in Tuscany...or even Roma.
I had the house salad - lobster ravioli - and a little plate of his spinach (with pancetta and cranberries) - but that is only what I ate. What I had was time with this family and friends - with Fran and Dusty, Margie and Charlie, Ande and Jimmy, Sam and Cathy (I do not think that you have met them), dear David, and sweet Kirsten. All celebrating with me - all celebrating that somehow, by luck and pluck, I am still alive and here. Pour another little glass of Malbec - yes, of course a little carry out box - yes, and thank you and thank you and thanks so much. Mr. Meelos kisses me on my cheek.
It is my birthday - number 54. And oh how I wish you were here with us....
Always
Amanda
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